Re: Mind's Eye Re: Women's Issues

The topic is extremely complicated- as I am sure you already know and
I don't envy your police work as I think domestic abuse has to be a
nightmare with the unexpected ever able to erupt after a 911 call. But
we could explore many of the issues- one being the choice of
victimhood and martyr role or undeserving of happiness,etc. and that
could apply to both sexes. Both have strengths and weaknesses that
overlap in supposed gender definition and it alters with many factors
from early childhood to advanced age- some of it is hormonal. And
single parents certainly have to enlarge their role to be both parents
as far as influence goes. Frankly I can be very sweet and jolly and
also have been as hard as nails in certain situations- though big
mischief ensued when I got mixed up as to which hat to grab. Or was it
intended? Sometimes it is hard to tell. Anyway, I think Iron Man was
started by a local poet here in response to militant feminism and
seemed pretty goofy. Didn't care for his poetry or literary criticism
either. Oh, well.//Have been a busy bee- food enough for Napoleon's
Grande Armee and now my daughter thinks it would be fun to eat out a
lot! We will compromise...

On Dec 13, 7:56 am, archytas <nwte...@gmail.com> wrote:
> One can sometimes help by giving a glimpse of a different world in
> which obscured violence in this one is revealed for what it is.  We
> search for ways to get the powerful (at whatever level) to listen
> effectively to the demands of others.  In abuse cases we stress
> listening to the victims.  This is both an obvious step and a mistake
> at the same time.  The tragedy is that victims tend to be easy meat
> for destablisation in credibility terms by perpetrators, lawyers,
> smear and public reception - and collective assumptions and experience
> of false claims, fantasies rather than memories (PTSD is a classic
> area - even if the truth is being told through fictions) and
> investigator experience of all this.  I once visited a house on a hill
> pointed out by three separate victims only to find it did not have the
> cellars in which the abuse was claimed to have happened (and was owned
> by an old lady and her cats).  I'd say most incidents I dealt with as
> a young cop that were based on claims by members of the public
> (without an obvious crime scene or traffic accident) bordered on being
> false or trivial.  Missing from homes were a classic.  The real
> incidents were buried in the false or trivial reporting.  What real
> victims need is investigation that provides evidence separate from
> their reports - but this is expensive, time-consuming and many
> pressures arise on street-level bureaucrats to recommend no further
> action.  We have even seen social workers and cops deciding 12 and 13
> year old kids were choosing a prostitution lifestyle rather than being
> abused.
>
> Trails are laid in our history from such apparently differing areas as
> the 'weakness of women' to the origins of (say) World War 1 (rotten
> Germans rather than, say, the mad Winston Churchill and a British
> invasion of Iraq by mostly Indian army - possibly inspired by fears
> democracy was getting out of hand -  Churchill has form for using
> troops to suppress workers against law established after the
> Featherstone massacre in 1893).  The questions aren't just about how
> control fraud myths are held together, but also what can be evidence
> in a public domain of ignorance.  Cops would now be sacked for
> treating abuse claimants the way lawyers do in court - we rarely
> change enough of the system.  The women I see talking about women's
> issues often seem the very kind already protected and who have no
> concern for the wider sisterhood coping in poverty and the rest
> (violent partners etc) other than to allow their own profitable
> politically correct publicity.  I suspect one of the big issues is
> control of 'welfare' and its use in control.
>
> On 13 Dec, 12:34, Molly <mollyb...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> > Time does pass, difficult or otherwise.  Our language and behavior during
> > those times form our relationships in ways we understand, and often, in
> > ways we don't.
>
> > On Thursday, December 13, 2012 4:19:53 AM UTC-5, Allan Heretic wrote:
>
> > > When it comes to life one thing I am sure o is This to shall pass..
> > > some times are just harder than other times.
> > > Allan
>
> > > On Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 1:30 AM, Molly <moll...@gmail.com <javascript:>>
> > > wrote:
> > > > Having suffered a whopping case of PTSD during my divorce, I do
> > > understand.
> > > > Not at all like living through the baby's colic, because justification
> > > was
> > > > not an issue.  The baby came first, his comfort and care - not knowing
> > > what
> > > > that entailed, really, at the level of the unseen, just knowing that
> > > there
> > > > was more than meets the eye involved.
>
> > > > Suffering through the abuse of another is a warriors task.  The
> > > opportunity
> > > > to stand and come through the experience with integrity in tact.  It is
> > > what
> > > > it is.  Life.
>
> > > > On Wednesday, December 12, 2012 8:51:53 AM UTC-5, archytas wrote:
>
> > > >> Remarkable what extent even abuse such as persistent shouting can
> > > >> deform minds Molly.  Our dog is a beast of peace.  I wouldn't ask
> > > >> obedience from him beyond keeping him safe.  We used to demand such
> > > >> from women.  I wonder how this was resisted to the point no reasonable
> > > >> man should expect it?  And how we might learn more resistance to other
> > > >> social-cultural inequality and the poor state of universal suffrage?
>
> > > >> On Dec 12, 12:18 pm, Molly <mollyb...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > >> > My youngest had colic for more than six less than seven months, and I
> > > >> > remember it well.  He also came out full of energy and would run in
> > > >> > circles
> > > >> > around a room for the longest time. I filled it full of balloons once
> > > >> > and
> > > >> > he loved it, but was chastised by the doctor who was afraid he might
> > > >> > break
> > > >> > one and inhale it.  We do what we must to keep the joy in difficult
> > > >> > experience.  I can tell you that now my 25 year old youngest son is a
> > > >> > calm,
> > > >> > wonderful, loving person who knows how to support the people he
> > > loves,
> > > >> > inequality
> > > >> > having felt so in his younger years.
>
> > > >> > Sounds to me like you have the stuff of a wonderful dad, Ash. Life
> > > gives
> > > >> > us
> > > >> > experiences we cannot think our way through to teach us that the mind
> > > is
> > > >> > not always necessary, and we are often the better for moving beyond
> > > it.
>
> > > >> > On Sunday, December 9, 2012 11:31:11 PM UTC-5, Ash wrote:
>
> > > >> > > My last semester was rough, my older son is full of energy and mom
> > > had
> > > >> > > to take a break. The first six months are pretty much blank, some
> > > >> > > people
> > > >> > > called it a "colic" but for the longest time I just remember
> > > holding
> > > >> > > him
> > > >> > > all night humming and rocking, up every two hours all night for a
> > > >> > > bottle
> > > >> > > or comforting, then 'have to be to work in an hour' and get up from
> > > >> > > sitting position on the couch, set him in the carseat and throw on
> > > >> > > something lacking the wet spot in the lap (every night). The mind
> > > goes
> > > >> > > to a different place when enduring, but despite being very passive
> > > and
> > > >> > > thinking way too much I'm hardheaded as hell so all I said was,
> > > "Give
> > > >> > > it
> > > >> > > time sweety, please don't make me choose, I'll do whatever it
> > > takes."
>
> > > >> > > After a look at the therapy forum open on our other computer I
> > > decided
> > > >> > > there were many things I just can't say. It's best to acknowledge
> > > my
> > > >> > > failures with a measure of dignity. Perhaps I'm at an advantage
> > > having
> > > >> > > no idea what it means to be a man. It has taken some time in study
> > > to
> > > >> > > connect categorically with the species, and it has taken a bit more
> > > >> > > than
> > > >> > > science, sociology, and psychology has offered.
>
> > > >> > > Rigsy I hope you don't take my glacial speed personally, there's
> > > way
> > > >> > > too
> > > >> > > much to sort out on this end. At least that is the safer 'stoic'
> > > >> > > appearance to show. Which 'right reason'? From what I've seen it
> > > only
> > > >> > > exists in territorial dominance (or hermetic orders :p ). Not sure
> > > >> > > what
> > > >> > > type of contribution to the study this is Archy, but here it is.
>
> > > >> > > On 12/6/2012 11:58 AM, archytas wrote:
> > > >> > > > One possible resolution is to change our ideas on childcare.  I'm
> > > >> > > > not
> > > >> > > > sure the focus has to be so much in the home.  From the point of
> > > >> > > > view
> > > >> > > > of women and men wanting to have kids and look after them the
> > > system
> > > >> > > > has lots of roadblocks - not least childcare and the times it is
> > > >> > > > available (and cost).  The big snag with creating decent
> > > lifestyles
> > > >> > > > is
> > > >> > > > one needs radical change and it's no use waiting for socialist
> > > >> > > > utopia
> > > >> > > > or robot heaven - which would be chimera anyway.
> > > >> > > > Most of my students with young kids found it hard to start
> > > lectures
> > > >> > > > at
> > > >> > > > 9 a.m. or attend in the evening or the afternoon after 3 p.m.  At
> > > >> > > > the
> > > >> > > > same time we had staff in the same position very good at slotting
> > > >> > > > their timetables between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m.  The provision of
> > > >> > > > childcare was always 'under review' rather than a reality.  The
> > > >> > > > obvious answer is to get more flexibility and childcare in
> > > schools
> > > >> > > > throughout the year.  This is a non-starter in 'business
> > > reality'.
>
> > > >> > > > On 6 Dec, 13:06, rigs<rigs...@gmail.com>  wrote:
> > > >> > > >> Which leads to over-compensation and a new prejudice
> > > >> > > >> often/sometimes.
> > > >> > > >> My maternal history spanned biblicals but somehow I was able to
> > > be
> > > >> > > >> mostly a stay-at-home mom which even the children were grateful
> > > for
> > > >> > > >> and I hope to revive some of those skills with my
> > > grand-daughters
> > > >> > > >> as
> > > >> > > >> change is on the way. I have truly missed family this last dozen
> > > >> > > >> years. But I do see the additional stress on young women trying
> > > to
> > > >> > > >> juggle all those "hats"- I even felt jealous of men dashing off
> > > to
> > > >> > > >> their office when I had toddlers plus business on my mind.
>
> > > >> > > >> On Dec 6, 4:24 am, archytas<nwte...@gmail.com>  wrote:
>
> > > >> > > >>> My own feeling on the work side of equality is we have to do
> > > too
> > > >> > > >>> much
> > > >> > > >>> of it and that there is, in fact, plenty of time in a 40 year
> > > work
> > > >> > > >>> span for ten years off to deal with early child carrying and
> > > >> > > >>> nurture
> > > >> > > >>> (or alternatives).  We are trying to establish equality in an
> > > >> > > >>> already
> > > >> > > >>> misunderstood and warped system.
>
> > > >> > > >>> On 5 Dec, 00:39, rigs<rigs...@gmail.com>  wrote:
>
> ...
>
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